Like most girls, I grew up watching Disney princess movies. My favorite was Sleeping Beauty and I wore the VHS tape out watching it over and over again every day. I loved the idea of just walking around one day doing my thing and suddenly meeting the man of my dreams. That movie taught me that a man who wanted to be with me would risk life and limb to save me when I needed him, be sensitive and attentive, and we would always live happily ever after. Some of you will laugh when you read that, but deep down isn't that what we all secretly still want? I still believe that one day I'm going to be shopping in Wal-Mart and literally bump into the man of my dreams. My generation especially has been indoctrinated with the idea that we're all princesses and our Prince Charming is out there waiting to sweep us off our feet. Big surprise that as adults we are still waiting for that perfect guy to fall out of the sky and into our hearts who will be the right combination of everything. We're waiting on him to make our lives better and fulfill us.
I freely admit that when I get into a new relationship I'm already picturing the wedding and what our kids are going to look like. It's not that I sincerely think this guy is "the one," it's just a continuation of this childhood fantasy. I want my Prince Charming and Happily Ever After, and for the first few months of the relationship, when we're still in the infatuation stage of the romance, I get him. The emotions are raw and exciting, everything is new, he's still wooing me and trying to impress me, and the hope of what could be is fresh and abundant. But, we all know what happens next. Life happens, reality sets in, and the rose-tinted glasses come off. When hard times come, and they always come, I keep going back and insisting that the guy from the first few months is who my guy really is...he's just going through a hard time right now, or he's got a lot on his mind, or he's really busy at work. The excuses come out, but the truth is the guy six months into the relationship is a truer picture of who he really is than the guy from the honeymoon period. I've created this false belief about the guy I'm dating, and he's forever judged and held to those standards.
We don't fall in love with the man, we fall in love with the hope, with the dream that everything we've waited for could finally be happening. When I go through a break-up and am mourning the end of the relationship, I'm not upset about not being with the guy anymore, I'm upset my dream of romance and a fairytale love is over. When I break up with a guy I obviously know things aren't working and he's not right for me, but the breakup is so hard to get over because that the hope I had in the beginning is gone. The death of the dream of happily ever after is the hardest part to get over.
Ladies, a man can never and will never make you happy if you're not already happy in your life. Happily Ever After is something you have to work towards every day whether you're single or in a relationship. Romantic love is only one dimension of your life. Are you happy with who you are as a person? Are you satisfied in your career? With your friends, your home, your spirituality, your health, your hobbies? Do you have any bad habits you want to kick? Take an in-depth look at your life and assess if you're truly happy. The right guy is out there looking for you, but you need to take care of your demons and make your life what you want it to be before you go looking for him.
There are good men still out there, but don't let childhood ideas of what Prince Charming should be cause you to overlook them. Remember, should is not reality. Love what is, not what should be.
So in closing, here's some key points to remember. There is a man out there who is capable and willing to love you for exactly who you are. A man will put his best foot forward in the beginning of your relationship to seal the deal, but he is not Prince Charming and there is no guaranteed Happily Ever After. He has his faults and there will be hard times in your relationship. Your man is who he is, and if you can't accept him don't waste any more of each others' time. Don't wait for a man to give you the life you want - give it to yourself. Set goals and work to accomplish them. Be satisfied with all areas of your life so you can find a man who will be your partner, not your savior.
Love this! So true about the break-up. Its the dream, losing what you thought you were about to have, especially if it's a good break-up and not a bad one where you completely hate the person. I say it's disappointment of y'all talking about your future lives, then realizing you can't have it. Hard to get over, but def possible.
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