There is a rare trait amongst the race of men that has been passed down throughout the centuries. Sometimes it’s inherited, sometimes it’s slowly developed, and sometimes the man is just suddenly afflicted with it. Before you get too worried and make your man go to the doctor, let me reiterate that it’s a rare trait. Not every man comes down with this, but I will caution you that there are varying degrees to which they can suffer from this trait and it can come and go quickly.
The milder form, of course, is when you become the Game Day Widow. This could be just during football season, or he could suffer from this year round depending on his level of enthusiasm for sports (you can also substitute hunting here). This is common amongst men and shouldn’t be of major concern to you. He has testosterone, he loves sports, he yells at the ref on TV, he is a man. While he’s glued to the tube and expressing his man crush for Tom Brady, go hang out with your girlfriends or soak in a hot bath. He’ll remember you exist during the commercial breaks and will be yelling for a sandwich or beer in about an hour or so.
Then there’s the Weekend Romancer, A.K.A. Midnight Romeo, A.K.A. This-Relationship-Is-Based-Around-My-Schedule…er. This is the guy who you never hear from during the week/day until every other distraction is out of sight, out of mind. His life comes first and you’re not a major factor in his life even though he swears up and down that you are. As I eluded earlier, he wants to see you on his time regardless of what you’ve got going on. He’ll text you at 1 a.m., he’ll just show up at your house unannounced, and then you never hear from him again until he wants something from you. This, ladies, is a red flag rising on the mast. You’re either OK with this or you’re not. You better decide early on in the relationship because once that pattern is set it’s hard to break.
Next comes Mr. Emotionally Unattached. It means just that. He’s in the relationship physically but now you and your relationship is just a habit to him and he’s just going through the motions. He’s not in love with you anymore, he doesn’t express happiness, sadness, longing, or passion…the most emotion you’re likely to get from him is anger and frustration after you’ve nagged him to the point of an argument. This is also a red flag, and the prognosis is bleak.
Then comes the worst diagnosis of all. With this type of man there is no denying the message he is trying to send you. There is no denying what his feelings towards you are. There is no denying that you will not have a future with this man. This is the infamous Vanishing Man. One day he’s in your life and the next he’s gone. He stops calling you, stops emailing you, stops texting to you, and literally falls off the face of the Earth. I’m not talking about a day or two…I’m talking about a week or two. If you want to be optimistic I’ll even give you a month or two. There’s no point trying to track him down, just accept that he’s too cowardly to tell you how he feels and he’s hiding from you. Prognosis: It’s over. He’s not coming back.
Now, every man has the potential to be stricken with any form of disappearing. It may come and go within a couple of hours. It might be a phase he goes through for a couple of months while he’s having a mid-life crisis. Or, it could be something that he’s afflicted with permanently. You owe to yourself to figure out if he suffers from these symptoms, and if he does, if you’re OK with how things are going in your relationship.
The big question I ask my clients who come in unhappy with their partner is whether they can see themselves spending another 5 years with them. So ask yourself…can I do this for another 5 years? Another year? 6 months? A month? If you’ve answered ‘no’ to all these questions you obviously know what you have to do. Get to doing it.
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