Saturday, September 10, 2011

Why Doesn’t He Love Me?

Right now I’m listening to “Why Don’t You Love Me?” by Beyonce. Here’s a little taste of the lyrics:
http://blip.fm/listen/Beyonce::Why+Don't+You+Love+Me+(Official+Album+Version)

Why don't you love me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me
When I make me so damn easy to love?
Why don't you need me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me
When I make me so damn easy to need?

There's nothing not to love about me
No, no, there's nothing not to love about me
I'm lovely
There's nothing not to need about me
No, no, there's nothing not to need about me

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a woman say that, or thought or said those words myself. Just like you, I’m a great catch. I’m educated, have a great career, have an awesome personality, and have many wonderful qualities to offer a man. So why can’t I get a man to see how awesome I am? Why won’t a man just fall madly in love with me and not be able to live without me and marry me and work every day to make me happy?

Dear Lord in Heaven please help me to get over myself.

Yes, you are wonderful. You’re an amazing woman that a guy would be crazy to give up, but guess what… a guy may be madly in love with you, but he’ll still give you up if he doesn’t think you’re the right woman for him. That’s just how life is. Sometimes you get the guy you want, but he’s not the guy you need. Sometimes you get the guy you need, but it’s not the right time, or he’s not the right one a year down the road. We all grow and change over time. Sometimes in a relationship we grow and change together, but sometimes we grow apart and realize that we don’t have anything in common any more.

From now on, be your own best friend. If you would give words of comfort and encouragement to your best friends during a breakup or rocky patch, why wouldn’t you give it to yourself? We all have the same script we follow when it comes to consoling our girlfriends; use it on yourself after a breakup. I don’t encourage the man hating though – it doesn’t accomplish anything. He isn’t a jerk for not wanting to be with you anymore. He’s just being honest. Would you rather he lead you on for another year?
Let me rant a minute about the whole "leading you on" concept...unless he is an accomplished con artist after you for a large inheritance, there's no such thing. Come on, think about how many times he's tried to tell you or show you he wants out but you wouldn't give him an easy out. You knew what he was doing, but you started with the excuses, begging, denying it, trying to make changes, etc. Your man doesn't want to hurt your feelings by coming right out and telling you he doesn't want to be with you, but his actions will speak loud and clear about what his intentions are. You've been engaged for a year but he won't discuss setting a date? He doesn't want to kiss you anymore? "Yes, baby, I still want to be with you" but he won't spend time with you anymore? He doesn't tell you he loves you anymore? In the words of Bill Engvall...here's your sign.
If your relationship isn’t meant to be...it doesn’t matter how educated you are, how well you cook, how fit and trimmed your body is, etc…he isn’t going to stay with you. Stop wasting your time thinking about how great you’ve been to him and how he just doesn’t see how wonderful you are. A square peg won’t fit into a round hole no matter how hard you try to make it fit. Accept the fact that he isn’t the man you’re supposed to be with, and move on.
There is a man out there who will love you, need you, and appreciate everything you have to offer without you having to constantly prove yourself to him.  He’ll be in the relationship willingly without you having to blackmail, manipulate, and remind him of everything you’ve done for him or how much you’re worth. Go find him and quit wasting your time on someone who isn’t right for you.

3 comments:

  1. Thank you. I just quit a relationship. I still have strong feelings for him, and it is indeed very hurt. But I know that it is the right thing to do. And the hurts will go off sooner or later.

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  2. Thank you for your kind words, it helps a lot. I am still with this guy, so my healing hasn't started yet... I'm in an open relationship with him and today is one of the bad days, he doesn't call or text and I know he's with someone else. It's a strange time in my life, not sure I want to find that big and so disappointing love... I just don't understand, why does it all have to be so painful?

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  3. ur suggestions r realy meaningful..bt wat if u say to ur guy..that u dnt gi me ur time..u dnt cl me..u dnt txt..i dnt thnk u lv me...its ok.bye.ill manage..etc..n immediatly u wil gt a txt..cl saying stupid i lv u.
    i was bsy ..bt i knw u lv me..n i lv u too..dont leave me..i cant stay away frm u...
    thn here i gt cnfused..hw wd u decide..wts rite..n whn u knw tht if u ll say ok fine thn again he id nt gng to cl u next 3,,4 days

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